Trader Joe’s needs an intervention

Anyone else get the Trader Joe’s Fearless Flyer that came in the mail a week or two ago?

I get that it’s pumpkin and pumpkin spice season. I don’t have a huge [plant-based] beef with them (mmm pie), but I’m glad about the current backlash because it’s been getting out of hand. And I don’t appreciate the two loves of my life, beer and coffee, getting tainted with pumpkin spice everywhere. (The Starbucks PSL isn’t even vegan with soy and it tastes like vomit, so.)

Trader Joe’s clearly doesn’t give a shit.

No, it’s ride or die for Trader Joe’s on the pumpkin train. YOLO.

For your pleasure and horror, all of the pumpkin-related items on sale (and allegedly exist) at Trader Joe’s:

-Pumpkin bread mix
-Pumpkin spice coffee
-Joe’s Pumpkin O’s
-Pumpkin pancake and waffle mix
-Pumpkin rolls with pumpkin spice icing
-Pumpkin ice cream
-Pumpkin cream cheese muffins
-Pumpkin spiced pumpkin seeds (so meta)
-Gluten-free pumpkin pancake mix
-Mini pumpkin pies
-Nonfat Greek pumpkin yogurt
-Pumpkin spice granola
-Pumpkin waffles
-Pumpkin croissants (zut alors!)
-Pumpkin cream cheese (to go on…)
-Pumpkin bagels
-Pumpkin soup
-Pumpkin spice chai
-Pumpkin ale
-Honey roasted pumpkin ravioli
-Pumpkin bread pudding
-Sugar pumpkin
-Pumpkins
-Dark chocolate pumpkin spice salted caramels
-Pumpkin seed brittle
-Iced pumpkin scone cookies
-Pumpkin cornbread croutons
-Pumpkin macarons
-Pumpkin cheesecake
-Ginger pumpkin mini mouthfuls (wut?)
-Pumpkin cranberry crisps
-Pumpkin biscotti
-Pumpkin pie spice (what makes it all possible)
-Toasted pumpkin seed oil
-Decorative mini pumpkins
-Pumpkin cranberry scone mix
-Pumpkin your mom (psych, just testing if you’re still reading)
-Pumpkin croutons (in case you’re too basic to enjoy pumpkin cornbread croutons)
-Pumpkin bar baking mix
-Pumpkin butter
-Pita crisps with cranberries and pumpkin seeds
-This pumpkin walks into a bar (cereal bar)
-Pumpkin cornbread mix
-Pumpkin pie mochi ice cream
-Organic pumpkin toaster pastries
-Pumpkin body butter
-Pecan pumpkin instant oatmeal
-Pumpkin Joe Joes
-Organic canned pumpkin

/FIN

So, no shits to give at all, huh Trader Joe’s?

Well, two can play that game.

I went shopping there today and bought NONE OF IT.

Boom.

Also, I learned I can drive my boyfriend clinically insane just by reading this list aloud. Pretty fun.

What do you think about pumpkin spice? Pumpkin the vegetable?

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Johanna Fabian-Marks
    Oct 23, 2014 @ 08:38:09

    I know! The pumpkin-spiced pumpkin seeds are over the line.

    Reply

  2. Stephanie Lachman
    Oct 23, 2014 @ 14:14:23

    Yeah I’m super tired of pumpkin crap too! Most of this “pumpkin” spice “food” probably doesn’t even have pumpkin in it, because pumpkin spice mixture is cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and all spice.

    Reply

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